Hourglass
by brokenbride
Summary: A Three-Part Story based on the song Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find each other. Rated T for mild adult themes and some language. Finchel.
1. Part One - Santana and Rachel

A Three-Part Story based on the song Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. Rachel and Finn's lives after high school. Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find each other. Rated T for mild adult themes and some language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the song Breathe. They belong to much luckier people than I.

* * *

**March 2015**

two_ am and she calls me cause i'm still awake  
__can you help me unravel my latest mistake?  
__i don't love him  
__winter just wasn't my season_

Santana was jerked from her sleep by a loud noise coming from her bedside table. Cursing silently to herself she reached her hand out toward the harsh sound, fully intending to just press ignore and return to her peaceful slumber. That thought fled her mind though when she saw who was calling her. Rachel Berry. She hadn't spoken with Rachel since she'd moved out of their apartment, choosing to live with Brody instead of Kurt and herself.

Her finger hesitated on the bright red button. She could easily press the button and call Rachel in the morning, stating that she'd never heard her phone ring the night before. Something in her held her back though and she moved her finger to the green call button instead.

"I hope you have a good excuse for calling me at two o'clock in the morning." Santana said trying to keep her voice harsh, which wasn't too much of a stretch for her.

There was silence on the other line, but Santana was sure that she could hear Rachel breathing on the other line. "Please tell me that you didn't just call me to mouth breathe into the phone. That's a whole new level of creep."

More breathing.

"Okay, seriously. If you don't tell me the reason you're calling in the next five seconds I'm going to hang up." Santana was getting frustrated.

Her finger was hovering over the red end call button when Rachel finally broke her silence. "I'm pregnant." She said it so quietly that Santana was almost sure that she hadn't even heard her.

"What?" She said, hoping that maybe she'd heard her wrong.

"I'm pregnant." Rachel said again, her voice much clearer, though it was still hushed and there was a slight echo. Santana was almost certain that she was calling her from the bathroom.

This time it was Santana's turn to be silent. There was no way this was happening; Rachel was just a year away from graduating from NYADA, she had an off Broadway play that she was staring in the next few weeks. If there was one thing that Rachel couldn't afford to be at the moment, it was pregnant. Santana knew that, without a doubt, this wasn't something that Rachel had planned on. She also knew why, of all the people in Rachel's life, she'd called her.

"It's okay." She said, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. "You'll be okay. We'll figure this out."

_yeah we walked through the doors so accusing  
__their eyes, like they have any right at all to criticize  
__hypocrites, you're all hear for the very same reason_

Planned Parenthood wasn't really the type of place Santana had ever really imagined herself walking into. Mostly because there wasn't really much a chance of her getting pregnant with her sex life. After all, Brittany didn't really have the right plumbing for that task. Still, somehow, she'd ended up here sitting next to Rachel as they waited for her name to be called.

Rachel hadn't said much of anything since they'd showed up. She'd filled out the standard forms in silence, never looking up from the clipboard in her hands. Santana hadn't pried, hadn't said a single word to the girl. She knew this was hard on the woman, and she didn't want to make anything worse. Still, she knew she had to ask - at least once.

"Rachel, are you sure this is what you want to do?" She asked, making sure to keep her voice low so none of the people around them could hear. For all they knew they could be there for a routine checkup or something. Of course she knew better than to think that's what everyone thought around them. People went to their doctors for their checkups; they came to Planned Parenthood for unwanted pregnancies.

The small girl was silent and for a moment Santana thought she wasn't going to say anything.

"I'm sure." Rachel said slowly. Never had so much emotion been put into two simple words.

Letting the subject drop Santana sighed and tried, unsuccessfully, to make herself comfortable in her stiff seat. She wasn't sure how long they'd be waiting and judging by the amount of people in the room, it was going to be a long wait.

"You can go if you want to. I can get a cab home." Rachel whispered to her, obviously noticing how uncomfortable she was.

Had she been anyone else, Santana probably would have taken her up on the offer. "Sorry, Munchkin, you're stuck with me." She didn't miss the way Rachel seemed to relax at her words.

So they waited together. They stayed silent for the two hours they sat in the lobby, because Santana knew that Rachel didn't need conversation; she needed support and she was more than willing to be there for her friend.

When they called Rachel's name Santana put her arm out to stop her as she stood up. "Do you want me to go in with you?"

Rachel forced a smile onto her face. "No. I don't think I could go through with everything if you were there."

Santana watched as her friend made her way towards the nurse waiting by the door. She couldn't quite figure out what she was feeling at the moment, but if she had to guess she'd say her heart was breaking. She knew that her friend's life was hers to do with as she wished, but she also knew that this was the only possible option Rachel could come up with for herself at the moment.

_cause you can't jump the track  
__we're like cars on a cable  
__and life's like an hourglass glued to the table  
__no one can find the rewind button girl  
__so cradle your head in your hands  
_

Rachel hadn't wanted to go back to hers and Brody's apartment afterwards, so Santana had driven them back to her apartment. Thankfully Kurt was out for the day, leaving the two alone in the huge space. Rachel had taken up residence on the couch, wrapping herself up in a blanket; she hadn't said a single word since they'd left the clinic. Her face was blank slate and Santana was starting to really worry.

"Okay, Berry, you need to talk about this with someone." Santana said, unsure of what she was doing, but knowing that Rachel needed to get her feelings out.

Rachel didn't move, didn't even bother to pretend like she'd heard anything.

Sighing loudly, Santana made her way over to the few movies her and Kurt had next to the tv; she picked out Funny Girl because she knew that it was one of Rachel's favorite movies. She put it in the dvd player and sat down next to Rachel on the couch to watch the movie.

Rachel was silent through the first part of the movie, her focus solely on the movie; her attention never wavering even when Santana offered her something to drink. It wasn't until Fanny gave birth did Rachel really let her resolve break.

It was a sudden change; Santana was sure that if she had blinked she would have missed it. One minute Rachel was calm and silent, the next she was curled up in a ball and crying hard sobs that left her shaking. Knowing there were no words that she could possibly offer as a form of comfort Santana just sat there and held Rachel, clinging to her as hard as possible as though maybe she could keep her from physically falling apart.

_and breathe  
__just breathe  
__oh breathe  
__just breathe..._

* * *

**_a/n: I know this is a touchy subject, but the thought hit me last night when I was scrolling through some of my old music and I came across this song. Just a bit of backstory though...Rachel and Finn haven't spoken since he put her on the train in Goodbye. She started a relationship with Brody, but he never turned out to be a male prosititute. The next chapter is Finn's, so don't worry. I'm pretty sure that Finchel is endgame._**


	2. Part Two - Finn and Rachel

A Three-Part Story based on the song Breathe (2 AM) by Anna Nalick. Rachel and Finn's lives after high school. Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find each other. Rated T for mild adult themes and some language.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the song Breathe. They belong to much luckier people than I.

* * *

**two year later**

_in may he turned 21 on the base of fort bliss  
__just today he sat down to the flask in his fist  
__aint been sober since maybe october of last year_

Rachel sat in the corner of the bar, staying as far out of the line of vision of most of the usual patrons. She'd come to Lima, Ohio to visit her fathers and she'd had no intention of seeing anyone else. After all, she had been pretty sure that all her old classmates had moved on from this sleepy little town. Looking towards the bar now, she could see that she'd been wrong.

Finn Hudson was perched on a barstool near the end of the bar. She'd seen him come in an hour earlier and had been trying to decide whether or not to go and speak with him. The last she'd heard he'd joined the army after high school and hadn't looked back. Something about his posture and his appearance told her that wasn't the case any longer. He was slouched over, nearly leaning on the bar as he nursed his fifth drink - she knew this to be so, as she'd been counting. His hair was long and unkempt, longer than she'd ever seen it in high school, the ends nearly touching his shirt collar.

Just as she was about to leave her seat in the corner to join him at the bar another familiar face joined Finn at the bar. She stopped dead in her tracks as Noah Puckerman sat himself down next to Finn; he looked nearly the same since high school, with the exception of shaving off his mohawk, his face was drawn and she could tell that he was pissed about something. It didn't take long to figure out that he was pissed at Finn.

Finally deciding to leave her small hiding place and make her presence known to her old classmates, Rachel hopped down from her stool and made her way towards the bar. She stopped short though as she started to catch bits of the conversation between the two men.

"I'm a grown man; I don't need you to babysit me all time." Finn was saying, his voice slurring around the words. From this distance she could see the way time had worn away the childlike charm from his face, leaving sharp planes and an air of distinction. He also looked as though he were trying to grow a beard, as it was clear he hadn't shaved in weeks.

"You know that I don't have the luxury of just leaving you alone." Noah was saying, which confused Rachel a great deal. Why would Noah have to worry about Finn being at a bar? Unless this was a recurring thing.

"Oh, fuck off, wont you?" Finn asked, the anger evident in his voice.

Rachel didn't wait around to hear Noah's response, choosing instead to return to her old perch in the corner. Things had been much simpler there, before she'd had to worry about the well being of her ex fiancé. However it seemed that luck wasn't on her side because just as she turned around Noah became aware of her presence.

"Rachel?" He asked, and she stopped dead in her tracks. "Rachel Berry?"

Plastering a brilliant smile on her face she turned around and faced him, her eyes flashing involuntarily towards Finn who seemed to find something very interesting in the bottom of his glass. Ignoring the small flash of hurt at his obvious indifference she walked over to give Noah a hug. "I didn't want to interrupt you guys." She said quickly, hoping to still get out of the awkward situation that was steadily growing around them.

"Don't be silly." Noah said, hugging her shoulders and steering her towards the bar and settling her next to Finn. "We're glad to see you. Aren't we Finn?"

The question hung in the air as Finn - finishing his drink with a quick flick of the wrist - seemed to be ignoring both of them. "The more the merrier." He said, looking at neither of them as he tapped his finger at the bartender, ordering another shot of the brown liquor he'd been drinking throughout the night.

_here in town you can tell he's been down for a while  
__but my god, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles  
__wanna hold him  
__maybe i'll just sing about it_

Rachel wasn't sure what it had been about the night before that haunted her more, the empty look in Finn's eyes or the fact that he'd drank more than she'd ever thought possible for one person. When the bartender finally cut him off, he'd been livid, threatening the man as Noah had dragged him out of the bar. They had parted ways from there, Noah apologizing profusely for Finn's behavior as he tried to maneuver them down the street towards Finn's old house. She remembered thinking how it used to be Finn apologizing for Noah's behavior. Somehow the thought alone made her sadder than she'd been in months.

Deciding to visit her old school before she made her way back to New York, Rachel made a pit stop at McKinley on her way out of town. There was only one classroom she wanted to visit, and since it was a Wednesday afternoon she easily made her way into the school, stopping at the office for a visitors pass.

She knew that Glee wouldn't be meeting until school was over as she made her way down the familiar hallways. She now understood the phrase 'the more things change, the more they stay the same' as she walked into the old choir room. Nothing had changed at all, not really. The choir room had the same feeling of home that it had held for her years ago when this had been her safe haven. Slowly she made her way over to one of the rows of seats, remembering sitting there in her senior year, Finn's arms wrapped around her as they worried about what they'd thought were adult problems at the time. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around herself and let herself get lost in the memories.

A small cough drew her from her reverie. She opened her eyes expecting to see Mr. Shuester there, but instead saw Finn. He looked worse than he'd looked the night earlier; he had severe dark circles under eyes that made him look as though he'd been punched; she wondered idly if maybe he had.

"So according to Puck, I owe you an apology." He said quietly, shoving his hands in his pockets.

Rachel chuckled a little at the sentiment, if he hadn't looked so dramatically different from the teenage boy that she'd fallen in love with she'd think not much had changed. And if she hadn't witnessed what she had the night before.

"Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted last night." Finn said, clearly ashamed as his eyes looked everywhere else besides her. "I haven't really been myself since my last tour in Afghanistan."

She could tell that he wasn't used to explaining himself to people and that he was making an exception for her. Unsure of what to say she merely nodded and gave him a small smile.

Seeming to take her silence as a form of acceptance he pulled his hands out of his pockets, clearly more at ease. He didn't say anything though as he made his way over to the seat next to her. Neither of them said a word as they sat together, both lost in their own world of pain and loss. Rachel couldn't help herself though as she reached over the small gap between the seats and took his hand into hers.

_cause you can jump the track  
__we're like cars on a cable  
__and life's like an hourglass glued to the table  
no one can find the rewind button boys  
so cradle your head in your hand_

Hours later Rachel had a pretty good idea as to what was going on in Finn's head. He hadn't given her any concrete details, but she understood that war changed a person and that Finn had been changed in a way that he couldn't figure his way around. He'd left the army with an honorable discharge months earlier, after a raid that had gone wrong. He'd barely made it out with his life, and he'd never been able to get around the guilt of living while most of his other friends in his unit had not.

They'd left the school earlier, opting instead to sit on the tailgate of Finn's pickup. Rachel could tell that it had been a long time since Finn had talked about any of the things that had happened to him with anyone. Once he had everything out he was silent for a long time as they sat there next to each other. Unsure of what she should say to the broken man next to her, Rachel opted once again to reach out and hold his hand.

"Have you talked to anyone about everything?" Rachel asked, finally breaking the silence. "Like a professional." She clarified.

"The army set me up with a therapist that specializes in post traumatic stress, but I only went a few times." Finn said, his voice low and full of emotion.

"Maybe you should try again." Rachel said. She knew that this shell of a man next to her wasn't the Finn Hudson that she'd once known, but she also knew that with time he could still regain the pieces of himself that he'd lost.

_and breathe  
__just breathe  
__oh breathe  
__just breathe..._

* * *

_**a/n: One part left. Everything will come full circle. Please review. :)**  
_


	3. Part Three - Conclusion

_**A/N: Well, this is the last part. It took me a long time to finish this one part, mostly because I couldn't figure out how exactly I wanted everything to go. I do hope you like it though, cause I am somewhat proud of this. :)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the song Breathe. They belong to much luckier people than I.**_

* * *

one year later

_there's a light at each tunnel you shout  
__cause you just as far in as you'll ever be out  
and these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again  
if you only try turning around  
_

"Hello, I'm Finn and I'm an alcoholic." Finn said, standing up from the hard plastic chair that he'd been sitting in. The chorus of 'Hello Finn' surrounded him as he tried not to look too closely at the people around him. "I've been sober for three months."

"Welcome Finn." The lady next to him spoke, and he noted by her air of authority that she was probably the leader of the group. He wondered, briefly, if she would consider being his sponsor. He quickly pushed the thought out of his head as he realized she'd asked him a question and he hadn't been paying attention.

"Huh?" He asked, hoping he didn't look like a complete idiot. Then again, the people in the room were not so quick to judge.

"I was wondering how long you've been in New York." She repeated, her voice smooth and calm.

"Oh." He said, recovering as best he could. "My brother lives here. He's in the Funny Girl revival on Broadway. I moved here to be closer to him." And Rachel, he'd moved here for her too, but he didn't say so.

The woman looked slightly more interested in his story than he would have expected, but she soon turned her attention to the small woman to Finn's right. Finn didn't pay much attention as the rest of the group went around introducing themselves, only paying attention to the names as he mumbled the standard "Hello Gertrude" or "Hello Ron" when it was appropriate. It didn't take long for the general introductions to end and soon people were mingling around, most gathering near the refreshment table, gorging themselves on cheap coffee and day-old doughnuts.

Finn, however chose to remain in his seat, unsure as to what to do with himself. He was about to get up to leave when a hand on his shoulder drew his attention to the person behind him. Turning in his chair he was surprised to see the lady who had been leading the meeting looking at him as though he were an old friend.

"Hello Finn." She said as she sat down in the seat next to him, her posture as stiff as board.

"Hello Cindy." Finn said, remembering her name from earlier, though he wasn't sure what else he should say. This was his first AA meeting and he wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to say or do.

"Is this your first meeting?" Cindy asked, her steady gaze making Finn squirm in his seat a little.

"Uh, yeah. I just moved to the city and my brother thought it would be good for me to go to a few meetings." Finn blushed, looking at the floor. "When I was living in Lima, there were meetings there but I was too ashamed to ever go to any of them."

Cindy didn't say anything so Finn drew his attention away from the floor back to the woman next to him. "Well, I'm glad that you took your brother's advice. Making such a dramatic change like moving, especially to a place like New York City can be especially difficult for anyone. And we both know that your condition makes the change even more difficult. Tell me, Finn, have you had an increased urge to drink since you've moved to the city?"

Yes. He wanted so badly to say yes, to admit to this stranger that he had been fighting the urge to drink since his first night in the city when it had taken him three hours just to fall asleep because the noise had been so loud. "It hasn't been that bad." Finn lied, once again turning his eyes to the floor.

Cindy sighed next to him. "Yes it has. I was in the same position as you when I moved to the city. To be honest, I even fell off the wagon for a few months. What it took to get me back on again was the help of people who loved me and a sponsor who wasn't willing to let me fail."

"I have people who love me." Finn said, thinking off Rachel, Kurt and Santana who were back at the loft.

"Then you just need a kick ass sponsor." Cindy said, her mouth turning up into a small smirk. "Luckily for you, I'm pretty kick ass."

_two am and i'm still awake, writing a song  
if i get it all down on paper  
__it's no longer inside of me  
__threatening the life it belongs to  
_

Rachel sighed as she looked at the clock once again. She couldn't believe that she was going through this again. She'd told herself that she would be extra careful, always making sure to use two different types of protection. That's why she'd always been diligent about the time of day that she took her birth control. Still, here she was, two weeks late and sitting on the edge of the bathtub staring at that damned plastic stick, wishing that it didn't contain all of her future plans in it's contents.

Three more minutes...

This wasn't supposed to be happening. She wasn't any more ready for this than she had been three years earlier, but here she was. All because she'd had strep fucking throat. Of course now she knew that antibiotics messed with her birth control, she hadn't known that when she'd had sex with Finn just a few short weeks ago. She remembered the day exactly, because it had been the only time they'd ever had the condom break during sex.

Two more minutes...

Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door. Rachel cursed out loud as she jumped up from her perch on the bathtub. She'd made sure the loft would be empty when she took this test. Santana was supposed to be at work, but then again, things didn't seem to be going her way here lately.

"Look, Berry, you better not be flicking your bean in there." Santana's voice was obviously annoyed. "I have to pee like race horse, and I'm not in the mood to wait around out here while you get your jollies from your stupid hand. Besides you have a man-child to do that for you now. I know this because our walls are about as thick as paper."

"I'm not doing that Santana. I'm just going to the bathroom." Rachel said, checking her watch. One more minute.

"Bullshit." Santana said, trying the knob but finding the door locked. "I've been home for like two minutes and no sounds have been coming out of there. So if you're not flicking your bean, what the hell are you doing in there?"

Rachel sure as hell wasn't going to tell Santana what she was doing in the bathroom, not after all they'd gone through together years earlier. "I'm just tweezing my eyebrows." She said quickly, opening the medicine cabinet and getting out a pair of tweezers. She plucked a few stray hairs quickly and set them back down. Thirty seconds.

"Alright, well can you hurry your shit up. If you're not out of there in one minute I'm going to go and pee in a pair of your shoes. I'm not going to tell you which pair either, I'm just going to let you figure that out on your own." Santana said from the other side of the door.

Rachel ignored her, knowing full well that her threats were anything but empty. The time had come to check the results. Taking a deep calming breath she took the few short steps over to the toilet where the test was sitting on the tank. Reaching out she gingerly picked up the contraption and stared at the little window on the front.

_and i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd  
__cause these words are my diary screaming out loud  
and i know that you'll use them however you want to_

Rachel couldn't sleep. She'd been lying in her bed staring at the ceiling for the past two hours; she'd counted the number of cracks in the ceiling sixteen times, and she'd mentally gone over her plans for the rest of the week at least ten times. Still, sleep refused to come and she was growing increasingly tired of the battle. Not tired enough to fall asleep though, she thought bitterly.

Finally, giving up, she threw her blankets off herself, standing up and making her way to her closet. She didn't pay much attention to the clothes that she threw on, she just hastily dressed herself. She knew the reason that she couldn't sleep was tucked away safely in the bottom of the waste basket in the bathroom. She also knew that the other part of that reason was a few blocks away, probably sleeping in his bedroom in the loft that he shared with his brother.

She had debated on whether it was a good idea to take a cab over to Finn's place, finally deciding that since it was so late that a cab was the safest way to go. The ride had been quick, traffic in the city was light at two in the morning. The entire trip had taken less than ten minutes. After quickly paying the cabbie, she made her way to the building that Finn and Kurt lived in.

The building didn't have a buzzer like most buildings had, instead you could just walk up to the loft that you were going to. This was a good thing for Rachel since she didn't want to run the risk of waking up Kurt. She wanted to talk to Finn alone, and she knew that if she rung the buzzer Kurt would definitely ruin that chance. She took the stairs two at a time and eventually came out on the fifth floor, walking down the hall to stop in front of 5C. Pulling out her phone she sent a quick text to Finn's phone.

A few seconds later she heard the tell-tale sound of Finn's ring tone for her. Just a few moments later she was inside of the apartment, looking at a clearly rumpled Finn. She'd obviously woken him from a deep sleep.

"Is something wrong?" Finn asked as he rubbed his face with his palms, his voice was heavy with sleep.

Rachel wasn't sure how exactly she was supposed to start this whole conversation, so she decided the best thing she could do was to just jump right in and see where it took her. "I took a pregnancy test today."

She wasn't sure what she was expecting to get as a response, so she stood back and watched as Finn's face cleared almost instantly, the sleepiness disappearing. "What?" He asked, although she was sure he'd heard her correctly.

"I took a pregnancy test today." She repeated.

Finn nodded his head, clearly trying to figure out where this was going. "And...?"

"I'm not pregnant." Rachel moved to sit on the couch.

"You could have fucking led with that." Finn's voice was void of anger, mostly all there was in his tone was relief. "You should have just said 'I took a pregnancy test today, and it was negative.' You almost gave me a heart attack."

Rachel didn't smile; she knew that this was the time she'd been dreading for the past three years. She needed to tell Finn the truth about her past with Brody. He knew that she'd dated Brody when she'd been going to NYADA, but he didn't know the whole truth about their past.

"There's something I need to tell you, and I need you to not say anything until I'm done." She turned to face Finn and patted the couch cushion next to her, wanting him to sit down. "Promise me you wont say anything."

Finn looked confused, obviously he'd thought the conversation was over. Still, he slowly made his way over to sit next to her on the couch. "I promise."

"So three years ago I was dating Brody, we'd only been together for a few months and I found out that I was pregnant." Rachel started, keeping her eyes focused on the wall on the other side of the room as she told Finn the whole truth about her past with Brody. About going to Planned Parenthood with Santana. About how she'd kept the truth from Brody for three months before she broke down and told him what she'd done. About him breaking up with her, calling her a slut and street trash and so many other degrading things, things that had taken her so long to stop believing about herself.

Finally when she was finished she turned her attention back to Finn who, true to his word, hadn't said a single thing during her entire confession.

_but you can't jump the track  
we're like cars on a cable  
and life's like an hourglass glued to the table  
no one can find the rewind button now  
sing it if you understand_

"So you just left?" Santana asked as Rachel finished retelling the events of the previous night. "You didn't let him say anything?"

"He hadn't said anything for five minutes. I figured he just needed time to process everything." Rachel said, fighting back the tears that had been threatening to spill from her eyes since she'd woken up that morning.

After she'd told Finn everything about her abortion, she'd expected him to yell at her, call her names, do _something_. Instead he'd just sat there on the couch, looking like a six year-old who'd just found out that Santa was really his parents. So after a few minutes of silence she'd gathered her things and left, asking him to call her when he was ready to talk to her again.

"I don't see what the big deal is." Santana said, trying to keep her tone light and free of judgment, after all she'd settled her qualms about Rachel's past years ago. "It's not like it really has anything to do with him, he has no right to judge you for anything."

Rachel sighed, pulling the blankets closer to her as she lay down on the couch, turning her full attention to the sitcom that was on. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"No problem." Santana said as she stood up and walked to the door. "I have to go to work now though, so if you need anything just call me."

Rachel wasn't sure if she was glad to be alone in the apartment or not, but she knew that she didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. She turned her full attention to the television, though after a few minutes she found her eyes drifting closed. Minutes later she was fully asleep, the television droning on in the background.

She wasn't sure how long she'd been asleep when she'd woken up. Judging by the show that was now playing on the screen in front of her, she'd have to guess that she'd been out for two hours. Sitting up she tried to figure out what exactly had woken her up. It wasn't until another knock came from the front door that she understood what had woken her up. Standing up and shaking out her clothes she made her way to the door, checking the peep hole before unlocking the door and opening it for the person on the other side.

"Are you ready to talk now?" She asked, trying to keep the anger and bitterness out of her voice. She stepped aside though and let Finn into the apartment.

Finn made his way into the room and turned to face Rachel, his face alive with so many different emotions that it was difficult for Rachel to determine what he was going to say. "Would you have gotten an abortion this time?" His voice was hard.

"What?" Rachel asked, this time she was the one who was still too tired to comprehend.

"If you had been pregnant would you have gotten an abortion?" Finn asked again.

Rachel hadn't even given the idea any thought. She'd been scared out of her mind that she'd been pregnant again, but the idea of another abortion had never once crossed her mind. But then the whole thing had turned out to be a false alarm, so she'd just dropped the whole idea altogether. Still the answer was clear to her. "No."

Finn obviously hadn't been expecting her answer because all of the tension left his body in that one instant. One word had been all it took for him to find release. "Okay." He said slowly.

"Finn, the reason I told you about what happened before wasn't because that's what I had been planning on doing this time." Rachel took a few steps towards him, taking his hands into her own. "Don't get me wrong, I was scared out of my mind. Still, I never once considered getting an abortion."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." Rachel was being honest. "Because I love you, and I know that you love me. It's hard to say, but I think that one of the reasons before was because I didn't want to have that kind of a connection with a man that I didn't even love."

Finn didn't say anything else and neither did Rachel. She knew that the conversation was far from over, but for the time being they just wanted to pause everything and come back to it later.

_and breathe  
__just breathe  
__oh breathe  
__just breathe..._

It had been one week since Rachel had told Finn everything about her past and Finn was still having a hard time wrapping his head around the whole thing.

Sure, he'd known that Rachel had a past, that she'd made a few bad mistakes that she'd never been comfortable sharing. He'd never expected her to confess what she had though. The only people he'd repeated the story to though were his shrink - who he was seeing once a week - and his sponsor. Both had pretty much told him the same thing, that he shouldn't let Rachel's mistakes define her. She was still the same woman that he'd fallen in love with, and that her past shouldn't change their present and their possible future.

Still...he couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. And why he couldn't just let the whole thing go.

He was waiting at Rachel's for her to get home from work when Santana came in and found him on the couch watching old reruns of Family Guy.

"Hey there, Lurch." Finn had gotten used to Santana's insults, finding some of them slightly endearing. "Waiting for Rachel?"

Finn turned off the TV as he stood up to follow Santana into the kitchen. He'd been meaning to ask her about the whole Rachel situation, but he hadn't been sure how to bring it up. "Yeah."

Turning away from the refrigerator where she'd been getting a bottle of water Santana turned her full attention on Finn. "What's wrong with you?" She asked. "You look like you're either constipated or you have something you want to say to me and don't know how to say it."

"Did you know about the whole abortion thing?" Finn said, getting the whole thing out of the way. There was no point in jumping around the subject with Santana, it was always best to be straightforward.

"Of course I knew." Santana moved from the fridge to cabinet, pulling out a bag of chips and opening them, popping some into her mouth. "What I don't know is why you're making such a big deal about the whole thing."

Finn wasn't sure either. "I don't know, it seems like a big thing to me."

Santana put all of her things on the counter and turned her full attention to Finn. "Okay, listen up Finnegan, cause I'm only going to say this once. What Rachel did, it nearly killed her. It took me months to put her back together, and then Brody finally found everything out and it took me another three months to put her back together after that. You act like this was just something that she decided to do. She didn't just decide to get an abortion like she gets a haircut. It was the most difficult choice that she'd ever made in her life, and I know for a fact that if she could she'd go back and undo it, but she can't."

Santana grabbed the chips and her water and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Finn standing there in shock. She turned around one more time, "What you need to do is stop punishing her for something that you have no right to punish her for."

Finn wasn't sure what he should do or say to that, but he didn't get a chance to do anything because Santana shut herself in her room.

It wasn't long after the whole Santana incident that Rachel came home from work. He could tell that she was surprised to see him, but in a good way. "Oh, hey, babe. What are you doing here?" She asked as she took her shoes off in the doorway.

"I wanted to apologize." Finn said, knowing that wasn't the reason he'd come over, but realizing that it needed to be done.

Rachel was clearly confused. "For what?"

"I've been punishing you for your past. I have no right to do that." He stood up and walked over to her, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking her in the eyes. "We've both made choices that we're not proud of, and I think it's time we stop letting those mistakes define us."

He wasn't sure what he was expecting Rachel's reaction to be, but he stood there and waited as her face showed a variety of different emotions, finally ending on relief. He was almost caught off guard as she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a hug. He pulled her closer to him though, placing his nose into her hair and breathing in her scent.

They were going to be alright.

_and breathe  
__just breathe  
__oh breathe  
__just breathe..._

**The End.**


End file.
